Beachcombing

Time for resolutions, except that I do not have any. In fact, a recent poll found that the majority of people don’t have them. This probably means that 47% of us are perfect in every way.

For 2024, my goal was to finish up some home repairs, like a new roof, kitchen modifications and a dozen other miscellaneous tasks. Many Thomas Jefferson two dollar bills later, it’s time to kick back and enjoy life.

So, the coast is clear to play more. Not as much as my friend, Mari Hooper, who seems to have a social event to attend every week. She commands prominence in Shirley Wild’s column – Seen at the Scene – in Sunday’s Press-Telegram. Mari has been described as “Long Beach’s Guest,” since she knows most of the city’s social elite. If she ran for president, she would have won handily over Kamala Harris.

Speaking of presidents, considering the recent passing of Jimmy Carter – renowned for his statesmanship – one can only wonder if Donald Trump – renowned for his showmanship – will make a resolution to act more presidential during his second term in office.

Past Rotary International President Clifford L. Dochterman rhetorically asked “In an ever-increasingly competitive corporate society often labeled as ‘ethically and morally bankrupt,’ is there a simple guide that can guarantee ethical behavior … and success?” He then cited Rotary’s 4-Way Test: Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

Thomas Jefferson, the great statesman on the $2 bill, American Founding Father, 3rd president (1801-1809) and principal author of the Declaration of Independence, (1776.) said “If we are to guard against ignorance and remain free, it is the responsibility of every American to be informed and to read the Beachcomber.” Okay, I made up those last five words but the rest is true.

New Year humor:

• Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
• What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.
• What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
• What is the digital camera’s New Year’s resolution? 1080 pixels.
• My New Year’s resolution was to drop my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.
• What was the Amityville priest’s resolution? To exorcise more.
• What was Dr. Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution? To make new friends.
• What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.
• I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
• What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne?” A liar.
• I made a New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating, but I’m going to wait until next year to start.

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