Beachcombing

Columnist Steve Propes wanted to share the following “different analysis” of President Trump’s State of the Union Address with our readers:

“Notable at President Trump’s state-of-the-union address, our own Congressman Robert Garcia was seated in the two-faced “Musk steals”/“Save Medicaid” converted ping-pong-paddle-signage-section, while California Senator Alex Padilla was seated next to Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren when Trump re-bestowed the much-used “Pochahontas” upon her (“you want to keep it going for five years?” he asked gratuitously about the Ukraine vs. Russia war, something she’s not known for advocating). Neither blinked. It was that kind of evening.

“Texas Congressman Al Green was escorted out of the speech for excessive yelling at the president, later disciplined by Congress, though his polar-opposite, full-MAGA Marjorie Taylor Greene wasn’t kicked out or censured for yelling at the previous President, Joe Biden, the year before. Maybe it was the cane-waving part. This time, in her red hot “45-47” ball cap fashion statement. Greene represented a dozen or so talking points Trump overlooked in his speech.

“The “45-47” guest list:

“Invite the 300-year-old Social Security recipient as Trump’s guest to the speech. Assume it’s a she. Tell her it’s a new initiative to honor the truly elderly. If she won’t come, find the 200-year-old. We need names, addresses and mug shots.

“Invite one or several of the pardoned January 6 “hostages” to announce a new federal holiday on that date, ideally called “Hang Mike Pence Day.” Pence won’t cooperate, so don’t approach.

“A newly conceived consolation prize, the Presidential Medal of Supporting Trump would be perfect for ex-Reps George Santos of New York and Matt Gaetz of Florida for their high praise and approval on the way out.

As part of the January 6 celebration, Trump’s hostage, New York Mayor Eric Adams should be convinced (or else) to rename the Statue of Liberty as the Trump Torch Tower, then rename the reverse emigration depot, Ellis Island, as The Tourist and Terrorist Terminal, where undocumented “huddled masses” will be dispatched for global reassignment.

“Speaking of monuments, Trump will announce renaming Mount Rushmore as Mount Rush Limbaugh and the Four Ditto Heads National Park. An additional Trump head to be sculpted, paid for by the new 51st state, Canada or maybe the 52nd state, Greenland.

“Way up north to Alaska, Mount Denali, already renamed Mount McKinley, after “one of our greatest presidents,” but why? William McKinley was a Trump template who loved tariffs and grabbing extra territory like Puerto Rico via the Spanish-American War, then Hawaii and Cuba. As a consequence of McKinley’s Cuba grab, two years after his assassination, a 1903 (the same year the Panama Canal was started) deal permanently secured Gitmo for U.S. use, an example Trump should exercise for Panama and their canal, the deal part that is.

“McKinley annexed Hawaii, the birthplace of Trump’s nemesis, Barack Obama, whose citizenship Trump deemed fraudulent before blaming Hillary for advancing the birthing theory. And whatever happened to the old stand-by, cancelling Obamacare?

“Speaking of paying for a renaming and reshaping Gaza into Trump-land, which Egypt will pay for, else Trump takes over the Suez Canal to balance out the Panama Canal and at least one pyramid.

“Trump should appoint Garcia of Long Beach as special envoy to negotiate the pyramid scheme as he has experience with the CSULB pyramid (find out if federal funds were used for the structure) in his own district. He’ll refuse the assignment; then Trump can call him anti-pyramidic.

“DOGE Policy: Though Elon Musk claims not to run DOGE (“he’s just a consultant”), he could still headquarter staff in the Lincoln bedroom for free, renaming it the Tesla Firing Room as Musk is hardly partial to the Lincoln automotive brand. Not to mention the Ford Theater. Lot more renaming required.

“Trump’s new Beast (presidential limo) built by Tesla, should be dubbed the DOGEmobile, equipped with firing capability.

“Egg Policy: If there’s bird flu, why isn‘t the cost of buffalo wings higher, just eggs? Trump might allow the Interior Department to issue flying buffalo hunting permits to prevent a wing shortage. Blame Biden.

“Gold Policy: Trump’s visit to Ft. Knox to “make sure the gold is still there” should include FBI’s Kash Patel to look for ex-NJ Senator Bob Menendez’s fingerprints on gold bars, then discredit Bob’s offspring, MSNBC’s Alicia Menendez, Hunter Biden-style.

“In selling five-million-dollar gold citizenship keys, Trump should make sure the money hasn’t been laundered through Vegas or Atlantic City chips, bitcoin or Putin’s yacht club.”

Did the preceding have you rolling over in laughter or should we suggest that Propes keep his day job? Since I typically fill this column with something informative, I decided against that and went with Propes’ item instead.

publisher@beachcomber.news