Beachcombing

There’s a car rental ad running on television these days that ranks among the worst I’ve ever seen. Entitled “Rent-THE-Car,” the campaign promotes the “the premium experience and superior fleet SIXT offers its customers when compared to typical rent-a-car services.”

The ads waste valuable time talking about “the” versus “a” car, thus failing to get the name SIXT across to the viewer. Based near Munich, Germany, SIXT is big in Europe and is currently located in 38 of the top 50 U.S. airport markets.

Advertising is all about keeping your products and services “top of mind.” If you fail to do that, you will fail.

On the other hand, we have a plethora of TV airs airing in Southern California for attorneys. Jacob Emrani does a credible job of keeping his name “top of mind” by toying with phrases like “Jacob and Ronnie.” His “Call Jacob” campaigns must work because he lives in a $12 million Beverly Hills estate.

As we say in the ad business, “sell the benefits.” Don’t tell people how to build a watch; tell them what the watch will do for them.

There was a time when doctors and lawyers could not advertise their services. How times have changed. Be prepared for more physician advertising in the not-too-distant future.

Pondering this, I thought about borrowing from past successful advertising campaigns. A cardiologist, for example, could say his patients (like a 1988 Timex watch) “take a licking, but keep on ticking.”

Obese patients may be enticed to visit a doctor using the 1959 VW car commercial urging customers to “think small.” Anorexic patients may be swayed by doctors borrowing from a 1984 Wendy’s commercial stating “Where’s the beef?” The possibilities are endless.

Watching too much television may be the reason for my sensitivity to “bad-vertising.” People keep giving us their “less-than-smart” models and we now have a TV in all three bedrooms, the family room, the study, the kitchen, the poolside gazebo and (most recently) the garage.

The good news is that they all weigh much less than the 36” Sony XBR that used to occupy our family room for many years. It took three people to transport it, but it was built to last forever. Today, one person can carry a 36” flat screen TV with ease.

Twelve Commandments for Seniors

#1 – Talk to yourself. There are times when you need expert advice.

#2 – “In style” are the clothes that still fit.

#3 – You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for Idiots that needs work.

#5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself Is. “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.

#6 – “On time” is when you get there.

#7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid. but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

#9 – Lately. you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 – Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 – Aging has slowed you down. but it hasn’t shut you up.

#12 – You still haven’t learned to act your age and hope you never will.

And one more: “One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.

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