Jay Beeler

Happy New Year!

Supposedly this is when we make a list of resolutions to follow in the coming months, but I only have this: two more good friends.

I was looking at my Facebook page and it says that I have 998 friends. I sincerely doubt that I have that many “friends” and, most certainly, they requested my friendship because we have numerous friends in common. Okay, you can join the club.

Another thousand or so potential Facebook friends were living in some foreign country and their photos were very sexy. No, I don’t want to marry you so that you can escape from living in the Puck Futin regime. Request denyed.

Some dummies send out friend requests just so they can boast about having 10,000 friends, but don’t know any of their names.

“More good friends” in 2024 means the kind you can visit with on a moment’s notice, hang out, drink a beer and laugh a lot. That’s the bottom line because, as we all know, laughter is the best medicine (versus the other kind the doctors prescribe for us octogenarians).

My wife, Anita, was absolutely my best friend and she died almost two years ago. Another dozen or so pals have passed away in recent years after decades of friendship, leaving many pleasant memories.

So, friend, do you want to have a beer together? We can sing that song about “999 Bottles of Beer on the Wall!”


Facebook had a joke about some guy who had a blind date but was worried about what to do if she was really unattractive. His friend told him not to worry as there’s an app for just that situation. It’s called “Mum Are You Okay” and it schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date.

If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with. “Mum? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“It works every time, no worries,” he says.

So anyway, I knocked on the girl’s door and it turns out I needn’t have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning.

But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, “Mum? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”


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