Beachcombing

By: 
Jay Beeler

Two members of Long Beach’s version of the “Rat Pack” died recently. Investment advisor N. Jack Dilday died this past Monday and hardwood flooring guru Dick Stolz passed away in early September. A celebration of life for Stolz will be held this Sunday at The Grand, 4101 E. Willow St., 2-5 p.m. All who knew him are welcome to attend.

They were part of a larger group of men who played together and stayed together for many decades beyond their youth, mainly through membership in the Long Beach Junior Chamber of Commerce and others through the Executives Association of Long Beach. Trips to Las Vegas or New York were among their many flings. Other “members” were Jerry Livoni, Ken Barnes, Kelly Williams Sr., Jim Sutton and a few more.

 

There Oughta Be a Law was a newspaper panel strip that ran for many years. I’m often reminded of it when I read about something stupid the city council is proposing or other foolish things happening around town. For example:

There Oughta Be a Law against CSULB leaving five electronic message boards on Bellflower Boulevard months past their intended purpose. Apparently they have money to burn on such activity but not enough to pay us $702 for an ad that ran in April.

There Oughta Be a Law against homeowners who grow ivy or bushes four feet high on the parkway (between the sidewalk and curb) that covers the red curb and prevents passengers from exiting a parked car. My car was nearly T-boned by an eastbound car on Anaheim Road on Monday because the homeowner at 1131 Ramillo Ave. allows his ivy to grow out of control. An illegally parked van and motor home (not seeing the red curb) entirely blocked my view of oncoming traffic.

Apparently there is a law for this. Following an email to several city departments the offending vehicles were removed or towed on Monday, the ivy was cut back Wednesday morning and a code enforcement officer was on scene Wednesday afternoon to advise the property owner to perform more ivy cutting. Attaboys to city staff for handling this dangerous situation.

There Oughta Be a Law against elected officials who vote for something but fail to provide the funds or resources to mitigate their actions. Recent examples include the banning of RVs on residential streets and the banning of Styrofoam containers, both items are reported on page one of this issue. I have yet to see a Styrofoam food container on the streets (maybe a few coffee cups) and the writing is on the wall that there will be a huge market for home delivery of restaurant products in the coming years, thus requiring low-cost Styrofoam-type devices.

There Oughta Be a Law against elected officials who have never signed the bottom of a paycheck and make decisions harmful to potential and existing businesses.

There Oughta Be a Law against elected officials who prostitute themselves by taking money from any public service union and then fail to abstain from voting on union-worker wages and issues relating to that campaign contributor..

There Oughta Be a Law against city council members who vote on stupid topics like changing the name of Columbus Day and making us a “sanctuary city.” If these clowns bothered to do some research in advance, they’d learn that 85 percent of local residents oppose the Columbus Day change and 90 percent oppose the sanctuary city item. Clearly council members who ignore what citizens want and need will go down to defeat in 2018.

There Oughta Be a Law against all telemarketing and robocall activity to home phones and cell phones. Repeat violators would receive hefty fines and jail time for the business owner. All contractors would permanently lose their contractor’s license.

 

Humor correspondent Donna says that children are quick with responses:

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

publisher@beachcomber.news

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