A Little Humor

I Finally Lost It!

I was just in Walgreens and saw a guy whose cart was overfilled with toilet paper, hand sanitizers, baby wipes, soaps, everything that people need. I called him selfish and scolded him about the elderly, handicapped and other people who are desperate in need. I told him he should be ashamed of himself!

He said, “Lady, are you done? Because I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now.”

Heather Coulson

[Editor’s Note: Heather “borrowed” this humorous item from the internet.],

I’m Mad!

I went to Ralph’s earlier to pick up a few things. I’m waiting in the checkout line and I dropped a $20 bill (yep that’s me trying to hold everything, because I didn’t want a cart). The lady in front of me picked it up. I thanked her and held my hand out, and she said, “The things found on earth are kept by the collector,” and walks away. I was like oh heck NO!! I looked at the person behind me standing in line, they couldn’t believe it either. This can’t be real life right now, right?

So I took a deep breath and I turned back toward the lady/thief/or whatever you wanna call her and as I approached her I said, “Do I look like I’m in the mood? Let’s not play games. Go ahead and give me back my money.”

She had the nerve to ignore me completely and tried to walk away from me. So, of course I left everything and followed her into the parking lot as I was calling the police (because of course somebody’s about to go to jail. Not sure who at this point though, her or me). She was almost running at this point to get away from me, which was the first sign of real intelligence this lady had shown.

When she got to her car she put her bags on the ground trying to quickly get her trunk open.

I was boiling at this point! I decided that her “finders keepers” rule just presented the perfect opportunity for a great teachable moment. So, I went into track star mode and ran full speed, and grabbed her grocery bags, and headed to my car yelling, “The things found on earth are kept by the collector!”

I hopped in my car ignoring her every attempt to get my attention. I was outta line, I’ll admit, but she was too. I was HOT, but I had a sense of satisfaction at the same time.

I get home and open the bags and what did I find?

• 3 packs of rib eye steaks
• 3 pounds of wild caught salmon
• 2 pounds of potatoes
• Everything to make a bomb salad, and...
• A bottle of wine

I can’t help but think to myself... WOW! Not bad for 20 dollars!

In all seriousness, this is just a joke to put a little humor out there with all the seriousness of the coronavirus and to see who would read this entire post. Hopefully I just put a smile on you. Best laugh I’ve had in a long time!

Melissa Keyes