A Little Humor + Wisdom

By: 
Diane McCarthy
  • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
  • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
  • I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.
  • Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter – the living room or the bedroom.
  • PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
  • Home-schooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.
  • I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we’d go from standard time to the twilight zone.
  • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog. We laughed a lot.
  • So, after this quarantine, will the producers of “My 600 Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?
  • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called The Kitchen. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
  • Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
  • I’m so excited – it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
  • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda.” I’m getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom.’’
  • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
  • Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.” I’m offended.
  • Better six feet apart than six feet under.

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Comments

Hilarious. Much shared on the web by many. Thank you for much needed laughs!

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